Zaftig -- a summer poem to ward off the cold
Bless elasticity, summer shorts, dog days’ bark. Your hair ends curled with sweat bring me to my knees. Let me fan your curves, your every inch. Let me lose myself in temptation’s folds. Our opposites...
View ArticleRe: Zaftig -- a summer poem to ward off the cold
H---holding back. the narrator crazy, hot for this person---this creature.less narrator with his repeated declarations. describe the creature.La Garçonne - Wikipedia, the free...
View ArticleRe: Zaftig -- a summer poem to ward off the cold
zaftig > zaftik > ... My vision of you is full. Crush me with your juicer.
View ArticleRe: Zaftig -- a summer poem to ward off the cold
Maybe jump from "our opposites fit" to "crush me with love." Curious title, considering that cold seems nowhere in sight in this sweaty drama. I take the cold to indicate that this is a long-time...
View ArticleRe: Zaftig -- a summer poem to ward off the cold
thanks for the comments -- B -- you want more creature abu - no juicer please deborah -- the title really is just Zaftig -- the rest was just an aside for the post here back to the fire
View ArticleRe: Zaftig -- a summer poem to ward off the cold
"hair ends" was a bit funny for me, H. not sure if i,m supposed to see pubic hair escaping shorts, or see downy arms dewed. anyway, not a turn-on, lol i'm somewhat with Bernie here in that i want less...
View ArticleRe: Zaftig -- a summer poem to ward off the cold
Hi Hadley Strong ending to this short but evocative piece. Unusual language that departs from the expected. Nicely written throughout. No nits. Keep up the good work, Hadley. All the best Chris
View ArticleRe: Zaftig -- a summer poem to ward off the cold
abujabri wrote:zaftig ; zaftik ... My vision of you is full. Crush me with your juicer. zaftig means juicy.... it's YOUR title....and 'crush me with your love,' is....i dont want to be hurtful, but...
View ArticleRe: Zaftig -- a summer poem to ward off the cold
On the other hand, crush me with your juicer is crude. It suggests more objectification of a degrading sort than it does enamoration unless it was part of a well-established lovers' language between...
View ArticleRe: Zaftig -- a summer poem to ward off the cold
Don't worry about being hurtful. It's only your opinion that it is "pathetic". If I let one persons offhand opinion hurt, then I would be pathetic Pleasingly plump ... Full figured is the way I...
View ArticleRe: Zaftig -- a summer poem to ward off the cold
zaftig is german -- zaftik is yiddish...... literal meaning = juicy..... and youre right: - it is used to denote pleasingly plump....... a thin women with a well endowed bossom can also be 'zaftik'...
View ArticleRe: Zaftig -- a summer poem to ward off the cold
in this stanza, where you need at least one comma and maybe two, you dispence with punctuation You hair ends curled with sweat bring me to my knees. Let me in this stanza you put in a comma where you...
View ArticleRe: Zaftig -- a summer poem to ward off the cold
besides the 1st stanza -- the only way to save the rest of this poem is to relay some fetishness of sorts....get kinky. crush me with your love --- doesnt do anything for anyone.... well not to me at...
View ArticleRe: Zaftig -- a summer poem to ward off the cold
....okay, so you wont use that suggestion. you'll think up something better, i'm sure!
View ArticleRe: Zaftig -- a summer poem to ward off the cold
try:- My vision of you is myopic. CrAsh into me with your love. that's a bit better, i think....
View ArticleRe: Zaftig -- a summer poem to ward off the cold
It's time for you to drop it, abujabrie. In fact you should have dropped it seven posts ago when you said, I don't want to be hurtful. What your suggestions are doing is kicking the poem from one...
View ArticleRe: Zaftig -- a summer poem to ward off the cold
this is from stanza 2: You hair ends curled with sweat bring me to my knees.....'You hair ends...' is nonsence english You COMMA hair ends curled with sweat bring me to my knees ....THE COMMA returns...
View ArticleRe: Zaftig -- a summer poem to ward off the cold
yes, it was an error -- should have been YourI understand the resistance to the last line -- although I do not like any of the offered suggestions. the original last line was Crush me with the weight...
View ArticleRe: Zaftig -- a summer poem to ward off the cold
I like the original line better. Much better. Before you wrote the above I would have suggested leaving the final line out or else to say "crush me with it", even though we are advised not to end a...
View ArticleRe: Zaftig -- a summer poem to ward off the cold
thanks jd -- just shows that sometimes first choices are the best....i'm sure this one will keep evolving
View ArticleRe: Zaftig -- a summer poem to ward off the cold
hadley, please note that my opinions are not 'offhand' as you said above.... i take the time and make an effort to actualy read the words in front of me, before i offer an opinion. there is a tendency...
View Article
More Pages to Explore .....